Brutality and Chuckles

The musings of a 21st century renaissance man...named Geoff Garlock.

Some days I wish all music was the last two minutes of Warning’s “Bridges”. And you know the world would chill out..BUT mostly that. It could be Wyld Stallyns for the world.

spotastic:

THIS MAN LOCKED ME INSIDE HIS CAB.

Fuck this man. Fuck him so hard in the fucking face that his brain dies.

A long day of work and play and it was time to go home, so I was treating myself to a cab. One of the new Nissan Future Taxis picked me up. These things are spacious, but also have a very high separation wall, so you really don’t get a good view of the driver.  I told the cab driver to take me to Queens via the Midtown tunnel. We arrived at my destination, which is always across the street from my apartment building. I have never felt comfortable letting a cab driver know where I live. I paid the fair with a credit card. The driver told me I still owed him for the toll. I told him I have never paid separately for a toll before. He told me to wait a minute, but I did not see him doing anything, the separation wall is high.  I told him he should have added it in, I already paid the fare. He told me to wait a minute. I was feeling very uncomfortable and his behavior was feeling shady. I went to open the door and it was locked. I told him to unlock the door. He told me to wait a minute. I got LOUD and told him to unlock the door. He told me to wait a minute. I threatened to call the cops twice or more before he finally unlocked the door. I got out and walked the opposite direction. The Cab Driver got out, I turned around and he was pulling his unzipped pants up as he came around to the back of the cab. I yelled some things at him about jerking off that I can’t quite remember. They were not witty or clever, they were freaked out and coming from a place of shock.  He told me he was having me banished or some shit and was pointing to the sky.  I stepped into the street to take a photo of the license and he blocked the license plate.  My body started shaking realizing what was happening. Something I can’t prove.  But I will say it. This pile of garbage was keeping me locked inside his cab so he could jerk off with me in there. God knows if he had any other plans. I started officially walking away and called my husband and could barely get the words out. I started shaking and had to think really hard to get my body to move towards my building. Thankfully there is a median on the street I live on, so the Cab Driver could not make a U-turn and follow me. I made it to my buildings driveway and froze, a few minutes later, from a safe distance.  I saw the cab driver pass. My husband found me shivering and crying, frozen in place.

I have no proof is limp dick was in his hands while I was in the cab.

I can’t prove the door was locked and he refused to let me out.

I can and did dispute the charges on my credit card.

I can and did file a complaint with T & L commission.

If I ever take a cab again, I guess my first move is to always take a photo of their license and request the doors remain wide open while I am driven home.

FUCK THIS CAB DRIVER. 

FUCK HIM IN THE FACE UNTIL HIS BRAIN DIES.

(via moskovciak)

toonami:

The Birth of Captain Murphy!

Possibly “The Birth Of Captain Murphy” the short I wrote was on actual television last night a bit after midnight on Adult Swim during Toonami. So that’s cool. I didn’t see it..I was sitting on line looking up Winterfylleth vinyl on ebay. I didn’t know it was on. but…maybe some people saw it on the tee vee? Maybe it will be on again? Cool?

When I was in high school, I had this giant Dictaphone. My dad owned an answering machine company so we had a lot of weird electronics around. Picture a mini tape recorder…but before they could figure out how to make it mini. It was big and cumbersome and made no sense.  I guess the idea was to tape meetings, or ideas into it. I don’t know. I instead had the brilliant idea to use it to tape my favorite songs off of “Headbangers Ball”. Then I could make killer mix tapes of all my favorite videos until I had the money to buy the records. Corrosion of Conformity “Vote With a Bullet” was one of the victims of this process. It was my favorite COC song and one of my favorite videos.

Unfortunately the recorder recorded everything unbelievably quiet. My brilliant plan of holding the mic up to the speaker of the ancient tv we had in our basement was not a fullproof idea. So to listen to it on my Sony Walkman I had to put the volume up as loud as possible and push the headphones closer to my ears. It possibly only came out of one ear as well…which was actually perfect for when I would snap off one of my headphones, run the cable up my arm sleeve, and hide it in my hand so I could listen to music during English class. I am amazed I never got caught doing this.

The moral of this story is..I am old apparently. And also this is still probably my favorite COC song…and also I don’t remember the quotes at the end. Boy…COC really loved voting.

Also have a #tbt to last month’s Night Late with this commercial for Jim Santangeli’s show. I wrote this. Adam Sacks directed. Wine Time is everyone’s favorite song.

Look at this huh? What a classy joint we got coming up with the next “Night Late” at the UCB Theatre in Chelsea. August 27th at 11pm we have guest host Ben Rameaka with sidekick Molly Lloyd, bartender Eddie Dunn, guest Matt Cutler and special guests cast members from the Amazon tv show “Alpha House”. If you want to watch Rameaka be made real uncomfortable on stage..this is the show for you. COME ON OUT!!!

newyorker:

In Daily Shouts, Celeste Ballard shares what she looks for in a good summer read:

“I want to be able to understand the novel half-drunk on rosé. The sentences should breeze by like a handsome man on a Vespa on the Montauk Highway. Speaking of characters, if one of them is a handsome man on a Vespa on the Montauk Highway, count me in! Give that character my number and tell him to call me.”

Photograph by Martin Parr/Magnum

newyorker:

In Daily Shouts, Celeste Ballard shares what she looks for in a good summer read:

“I want to be able to understand the novel half-drunk on rosé. The sentences should breeze by like a handsome man on a Vespa on the Montauk Highway. Speaking of characters, if one of them is a handsome man on a Vespa on the Montauk Highway, count me in! Give that character my number and tell him to call me.”

Photograph by Martin Parr/Magnum

(Source: newyorker.com, via taxidermychurch)

splitsider:

"Instead of just saying Okay, what’s the first thought that comes to my head — what’s the easiest stereotype I can make fun of? and then just going with that, thinking a little bit deeper and trying to understand the real motivations and attitudes and behaviors that make us human, and then looking at those things as the material you can focus the joke on — I think that’s where the best comedy comes from and that’s why people like Key and Peele are almost infallible. It’d be really tough to put together a legitimate case about them being lazy or insensitive comedians. They feel like humanists to me.”
- @midnight co-creator, writer, and executive producer Alex Blagg on Key and Peele's “Insult Comic” sketch

splitsider:

"Instead of just saying Okay, what’s the first thought that comes to my head — what’s the easiest stereotype I can make fun of? and then just going with that, thinking a little bit deeper and trying to understand the real motivations and attitudes and behaviors that make us human, and then looking at those things as the material you can focus the joke on — I think that’s where the best comedy comes from and that’s why people like Key and Peele are almost infallible. It’d be really tough to put together a legitimate case about them being lazy or insensitive comedians. They feel like humanists to me.”

@midnight co-creator, writer, and executive producer Alex Blagg on Key and Peele's “Insult Comic” sketch